19 September 2011
105. A Test Trail
Savannah H3 - 17 Septembeer 11
No shit. There I was. Hungover and about ready to puke.
Location: Food Lion in Port Wentworth, outside Savannah, GA. Time: 1:45p. I had just placed the beer stop and had walked up to the pack, gathered in the parking lot. Way too many brain cells were firing, and way too many people were (understandably) asking way too many questions at once. I was minutes away from sprinting away as a live hare, out of town and as unprepared as I've ever been for a trail. If I wanted to be timely, I'd have 15 minutes to pull this all together.
This Savannah H3 trail was a test-run for one of next month's America's Interhash trails, which would be Hog Mountain H3-themed on Saturday... Bear Creek H3-themed on Sunday. Oops and Hugh Heifer had dropped me off four hours earlier, heading off to scout their own AIH Black Sheep trail, intending to drive back to the Food Lion to r*n this one. And son of a bitch, they were among the people waiting for my arrival. Impressive.
In four hours, I had managed to partially rehydrate, get food, find a decent beer stop and scout everything except the last 2 miles of what I understood was a pretty straight-forward strip of woods. Armed at my disposal was a smart phone with a Google Map file that Niplets had sent out. He was among the hares who had scouted the week before, and thankfully, he had drawn out a shockingly accurate estimate of where they had been. I'm telling you... if he didn't use GPS tracks to create those lines over the satellite map, he's a Trail Surgeon.
At the back of the Food Lion is a gigantic open field, just waiting for 100 AIH'ers next month. From that field, you can see an access road. And from that access road, if you look carefully through the woods, you can see cars blowing by on I-95. Any hare would be orgasmic to see such a thing. This access road is what has tied together all of our scouting trips to this point. Last week, Niplets, 4-Inch Hole and Butt Bob had decided to add a partial circle jerk that started at the access road and ended near the Interstate. Brilliant.
What I had done was scout and prelay that circle jerk, unrolling TP while constantly looking at my phone to confirm my d'erection. Now here's the thing: I didn't have a backup map source, so I had to keep my phone sealed in a Ziploc in case I tripped and fell in the muck. Every so often, I'd stop, shoulder the TP, unzip the Ziploc and check the phone. This went on the whole way. I got as far as I could, laid the beer stop, and faced the hounds.
No shit. So there I was, about ready to puke, answering questions in the Food Lion parking lot. Yay, the Gatorade was kicking in and I was feeling better. Bimbo... good to go. Infamous co-hare Lady Gag Gag... ready to sprint. I had even taken care of the virgins that Robin Red Breast had brought along, by giving them a bail-out point from the beer stop, which was mere yards from the access road. Savannahhh mismanagement Red Velvet Vagina and Tequila Tony helped me fill in the blanks as I stumbled through an out-of-town Chalk Talk, and then it was time. On Out, bitches.
Since we started in front of the Food Lion, Lady Gag Gag and I trotted to the left of the building and threw a check, then threw another check at the back, and then threw a third check at the start of the access road where the circle jerk started. At every check, we knew the Savannahhh hounds would demand a titty or two to be released by a harriette, so we giggled (in a very adult way) as we laid all the extra flour. Gag Gag and I then left the hounds to the circle jerk, as we short-cutted to the beer stop and the unlaid portion.
As for the hounds, the circle-jerk started with a dip into some innocent-looking woods. But that quickly morphed into some demanding mud. Turns out, about half of this trail is in an area that floods during rain. Right after a rain, it's much deeper with water and maybe a gator or two. No rain just leads to shoe-sucking mud. Yeah, it was so challenging, I was actually laughing as I was prelaying it. Seriously... imagine some bald asshole, alone in the woods, TP and Ziploc clutched in his right hand, left arm waving around for leverage, body wiggling hard enough to pull a leg out of the muck. Step once more and repeat. Once through the mud, there's a palmetto forest, woods, a clear-cut area, a little more mud, a lot more woods, hamsterland and more woods. All of a sudden, there's a clearing and a power cut. After all those challenges, a little r*nning under the power lines feels perfect.
The power cut doesn't really end. It just changes to a set of gigantic pipes running through the swamp. They're anchored by occasional cement blocks down at the bottom. These pipes are so large, you can easily walk on them... your feet maybe six feet above the swamp. Water birds of all sorts fly away at the sound and sight of you. “Striking” might be a word worthy of the visual as you are walking across this wide clearing, especially when you see “BS” on both of the pipes. Perfect spot for a beer stop.
Looking down at the mud, safely placed on the center concrete blocks, was a garbage bag for the hounds. Inside... beer, water and enough ice to keep things cold. Cell phones came out and pictures were taken of everyone on top of the pipes, hanging out, drinking and chilling. It was a highlight of the trail for a number of hashers. They told me later that a beer stop here next month would be cool, so we figured out how it could work: 1. Have a hare waiting. 2. Have BEvERages waiting along the pipes, on several of the concrete blocks. 3. Have the hare move hounds along the pipes so humans wouldn't get backed up. 4. Drink and continue on trail.
Stepping off the pipes leads to a muddy trek toward I-95, which turns into a rocky way to cross underneath the interstate. Then if the hares bushwack a little of the briars, there is a way to cross under the access road on the other side. Then there's a little more muck, a little jaunt on train tracks and another batch of mud on the other side.
This was an interesting piece of trail that your humble hare would like to focus on. This additional piece of shoe-sucking mud leads to a slightly drier mud, full of cypress knees. The problem with this area was that it's full of high grasses, and stepping with confidence leads to a lot of imbalance issues, as your feet and legs hit multiple invisible cypress knees. At one point, I fell backward in a scene right out of The Matrix, with arms flailing and my ass stopping just centimeters over one exceptionally high cypress knee. With no way to pull myself up, I had to quickly twist and fall into the muck. This is exactly why you religiously bag your cell phone... without that critical piece of technology, a clusterfuck would have ensued.
Clusterfuck-free, Gag Gag and I led the hounds eastward through woods, then beelined north to the end: a large, open field next to a massive, abandoned warehouse. All these woods are pretty easy, and you occasionally run into old, overgrown access roads, running north and south. If you follow any of them, you end up hitting the warehouse. What we found was that by changing up our north/south/east direction, we could vary the trail a bit and keep things from getting boring.
On In was in the open field, just to the east of the assfault at the back of the warehouse. Cars can easily drive onto this area. As for busses or supply vans, they can stop on the assfault, and the bags/coolers of beer are easily moved a short distance to circle.
Speaking of circle, TT and RV did a bang-up job as co-RA's, which shouldn't be surprising if you know them. After an hour-plus of accusasions, violations and songs, when you finally hear “May the hash go in piece,” you are instantly in a happy place that makes you glad you showed up and witnessed a truly entertaining event.
AIH LOGISTICS:
First Hare: Gets to trail on Bus #1, shouting demands and insults. (Remember, the other bus sucks.) Runs entire trail with 5 lbs of flour and 6 rolls of Scott 1000-count TP, relaying trail as necessary to ensure no gaps. Runs with cell phone. RA for circle.
Second Hare: Also has cell phone. Gets to trail on Bus #2, shouting demands and insults. (Remember, the other bus sucks.) Leaves with first hare, but runs up access road from Food Lion, d'erectly to beer stop, waiting for first hare. Carries at least 5 lbs of flour and 3 rolls of Scott 1000-count TP. When the hounds start arriving, first hare leaves to continue confirming trail integrity. Second hare waits for Sweep, then runs trail or does whatever is needed. For bear creek, second hare can sacrifice themselves for a snare, so a hound has to drink malt liquor. Helps with circle, pouring beer and shutting down private parties.
Third Hare: Gets to trail on bus of choosing. Sweeps with cell phone. All cell phones should be sealed in Ziplocs if forward motion is in progress. Helps with circle, pouring beer and shutting down private parties.
Possible other people include a First Aid person and a Utility Van person. I would suggest the First Aid person follows the Second Hare, which could put them within 20 minutes (if r*nning) of any injured wanker, thanks to the circle jerk. Utility Van person could be dropped off at the end to watch bags, if the van driver has to leave. Utility Van person can help with beer pouring.
Beer stop: At least for Bear Creek, we will be doing the beer stop at the pipes, thanks to suggestions before the Savannahhh circle. BUT there will be limited beer, since we want more for the end. We will be making 2 gallons of shooters. Water will also be available. OK, OK, maybe some beer, too.
Beer pouring during circle: I would suggest that hounds keep a full vessel, drinking whatever amount they want for a down-down, which is in line with a lot of hashes around the country. This can be announced on the busses if needed. RA can demand additional down-downs in additional vessels as needed for extra-wanking wankers.
Rain/excess swamp issues: determined the week-of. Decisions to be made Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
TRAIL PARTS, used to tell first-aid person where they're needed:
One: Food Lion area
Two: Muck after access road
Three: Area where fence is seen to the left
Four: Woods where civilization/houses are seen in the distance
Five: Palmettos between houses and clearing
Six: Clearing
Seven: Power cut
Eight: Pipes
Nine: Area between pipes and I-95
Ten: Area between I-95 and train tracks
Eleven: Mud between train tracks and old north/south access roads
Twelve: North/south access roads
Thirteen: Northbound toward end
Fourteen: Out of woods to end
My the Hash Get a Piece
No shit. There I was. Hungover and about ready to puke.
Location: Food Lion in Port Wentworth, outside Savannah, GA. Time: 1:45p. I had just placed the beer stop and had walked up to the pack, gathered in the parking lot. Way too many brain cells were firing, and way too many people were (understandably) asking way too many questions at once. I was minutes away from sprinting away as a live hare, out of town and as unprepared as I've ever been for a trail. If I wanted to be timely, I'd have 15 minutes to pull this all together.
This Savannah H3 trail was a test-run for one of next month's America's Interhash trails, which would be Hog Mountain H3-themed on Saturday... Bear Creek H3-themed on Sunday. Oops and Hugh Heifer had dropped me off four hours earlier, heading off to scout their own AIH Black Sheep trail, intending to drive back to the Food Lion to r*n this one. And son of a bitch, they were among the people waiting for my arrival. Impressive.
In four hours, I had managed to partially rehydrate, get food, find a decent beer stop and scout everything except the last 2 miles of what I understood was a pretty straight-forward strip of woods. Armed at my disposal was a smart phone with a Google Map file that Niplets had sent out. He was among the hares who had scouted the week before, and thankfully, he had drawn out a shockingly accurate estimate of where they had been. I'm telling you... if he didn't use GPS tracks to create those lines over the satellite map, he's a Trail Surgeon.
At the back of the Food Lion is a gigantic open field, just waiting for 100 AIH'ers next month. From that field, you can see an access road. And from that access road, if you look carefully through the woods, you can see cars blowing by on I-95. Any hare would be orgasmic to see such a thing. This access road is what has tied together all of our scouting trips to this point. Last week, Niplets, 4-Inch Hole and Butt Bob had decided to add a partial circle jerk that started at the access road and ended near the Interstate. Brilliant.
What I had done was scout and prelay that circle jerk, unrolling TP while constantly looking at my phone to confirm my d'erection. Now here's the thing: I didn't have a backup map source, so I had to keep my phone sealed in a Ziploc in case I tripped and fell in the muck. Every so often, I'd stop, shoulder the TP, unzip the Ziploc and check the phone. This went on the whole way. I got as far as I could, laid the beer stop, and faced the hounds.
No shit. So there I was, about ready to puke, answering questions in the Food Lion parking lot. Yay, the Gatorade was kicking in and I was feeling better. Bimbo... good to go. Infamous co-hare Lady Gag Gag... ready to sprint. I had even taken care of the virgins that Robin Red Breast had brought along, by giving them a bail-out point from the beer stop, which was mere yards from the access road. Savannahhh mismanagement Red Velvet Vagina and Tequila Tony helped me fill in the blanks as I stumbled through an out-of-town Chalk Talk, and then it was time. On Out, bitches.
Since we started in front of the Food Lion, Lady Gag Gag and I trotted to the left of the building and threw a check, then threw another check at the back, and then threw a third check at the start of the access road where the circle jerk started. At every check, we knew the Savannahhh hounds would demand a titty or two to be released by a harriette, so we giggled (in a very adult way) as we laid all the extra flour. Gag Gag and I then left the hounds to the circle jerk, as we short-cutted to the beer stop and the unlaid portion.
As for the hounds, the circle-jerk started with a dip into some innocent-looking woods. But that quickly morphed into some demanding mud. Turns out, about half of this trail is in an area that floods during rain. Right after a rain, it's much deeper with water and maybe a gator or two. No rain just leads to shoe-sucking mud. Yeah, it was so challenging, I was actually laughing as I was prelaying it. Seriously... imagine some bald asshole, alone in the woods, TP and Ziploc clutched in his right hand, left arm waving around for leverage, body wiggling hard enough to pull a leg out of the muck. Step once more and repeat. Once through the mud, there's a palmetto forest, woods, a clear-cut area, a little more mud, a lot more woods, hamsterland and more woods. All of a sudden, there's a clearing and a power cut. After all those challenges, a little r*nning under the power lines feels perfect.
The power cut doesn't really end. It just changes to a set of gigantic pipes running through the swamp. They're anchored by occasional cement blocks down at the bottom. These pipes are so large, you can easily walk on them... your feet maybe six feet above the swamp. Water birds of all sorts fly away at the sound and sight of you. “Striking” might be a word worthy of the visual as you are walking across this wide clearing, especially when you see “BS” on both of the pipes. Perfect spot for a beer stop.
Looking down at the mud, safely placed on the center concrete blocks, was a garbage bag for the hounds. Inside... beer, water and enough ice to keep things cold. Cell phones came out and pictures were taken of everyone on top of the pipes, hanging out, drinking and chilling. It was a highlight of the trail for a number of hashers. They told me later that a beer stop here next month would be cool, so we figured out how it could work: 1. Have a hare waiting. 2. Have BEvERages waiting along the pipes, on several of the concrete blocks. 3. Have the hare move hounds along the pipes so humans wouldn't get backed up. 4. Drink and continue on trail.
Stepping off the pipes leads to a muddy trek toward I-95, which turns into a rocky way to cross underneath the interstate. Then if the hares bushwack a little of the briars, there is a way to cross under the access road on the other side. Then there's a little more muck, a little jaunt on train tracks and another batch of mud on the other side.
This was an interesting piece of trail that your humble hare would like to focus on. This additional piece of shoe-sucking mud leads to a slightly drier mud, full of cypress knees. The problem with this area was that it's full of high grasses, and stepping with confidence leads to a lot of imbalance issues, as your feet and legs hit multiple invisible cypress knees. At one point, I fell backward in a scene right out of The Matrix, with arms flailing and my ass stopping just centimeters over one exceptionally high cypress knee. With no way to pull myself up, I had to quickly twist and fall into the muck. This is exactly why you religiously bag your cell phone... without that critical piece of technology, a clusterfuck would have ensued.
Clusterfuck-free, Gag Gag and I led the hounds eastward through woods, then beelined north to the end: a large, open field next to a massive, abandoned warehouse. All these woods are pretty easy, and you occasionally run into old, overgrown access roads, running north and south. If you follow any of them, you end up hitting the warehouse. What we found was that by changing up our north/south/east direction, we could vary the trail a bit and keep things from getting boring.
On In was in the open field, just to the east of the assfault at the back of the warehouse. Cars can easily drive onto this area. As for busses or supply vans, they can stop on the assfault, and the bags/coolers of beer are easily moved a short distance to circle.
Speaking of circle, TT and RV did a bang-up job as co-RA's, which shouldn't be surprising if you know them. After an hour-plus of accusasions, violations and songs, when you finally hear “May the hash go in piece,” you are instantly in a happy place that makes you glad you showed up and witnessed a truly entertaining event.
AIH LOGISTICS:
First Hare: Gets to trail on Bus #1, shouting demands and insults. (Remember, the other bus sucks.) Runs entire trail with 5 lbs of flour and 6 rolls of Scott 1000-count TP, relaying trail as necessary to ensure no gaps. Runs with cell phone. RA for circle.
Second Hare: Also has cell phone. Gets to trail on Bus #2, shouting demands and insults. (Remember, the other bus sucks.) Leaves with first hare, but runs up access road from Food Lion, d'erectly to beer stop, waiting for first hare. Carries at least 5 lbs of flour and 3 rolls of Scott 1000-count TP. When the hounds start arriving, first hare leaves to continue confirming trail integrity. Second hare waits for Sweep, then runs trail or does whatever is needed. For bear creek, second hare can sacrifice themselves for a snare, so a hound has to drink malt liquor. Helps with circle, pouring beer and shutting down private parties.
Third Hare: Gets to trail on bus of choosing. Sweeps with cell phone. All cell phones should be sealed in Ziplocs if forward motion is in progress. Helps with circle, pouring beer and shutting down private parties.
Possible other people include a First Aid person and a Utility Van person. I would suggest the First Aid person follows the Second Hare, which could put them within 20 minutes (if r*nning) of any injured wanker, thanks to the circle jerk. Utility Van person could be dropped off at the end to watch bags, if the van driver has to leave. Utility Van person can help with beer pouring.
Beer stop: At least for Bear Creek, we will be doing the beer stop at the pipes, thanks to suggestions before the Savannahhh circle. BUT there will be limited beer, since we want more for the end. We will be making 2 gallons of shooters. Water will also be available. OK, OK, maybe some beer, too.
Beer pouring during circle: I would suggest that hounds keep a full vessel, drinking whatever amount they want for a down-down, which is in line with a lot of hashes around the country. This can be announced on the busses if needed. RA can demand additional down-downs in additional vessels as needed for extra-wanking wankers.
Rain/excess swamp issues: determined the week-of. Decisions to be made Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
TRAIL PARTS, used to tell first-aid person where they're needed:
One: Food Lion area
Two: Muck after access road
Three: Area where fence is seen to the left
Four: Woods where civilization/houses are seen in the distance
Five: Palmettos between houses and clearing
Six: Clearing
Seven: Power cut
Eight: Pipes
Nine: Area between pipes and I-95
Ten: Area between I-95 and train tracks
Eleven: Mud between train tracks and old north/south access roads
Twelve: North/south access roads
Thirteen: Northbound toward end
Fourteen: Out of woods to end
My the Hash Get a Piece
# posted by L&F @ 5:49 PM 
