05 November 2005
4. Like, I’m a Guest Writer
Atlanta H4 - 14 June 2003
Hares - Three
Hounds - I have no idea
“Virgins” - Three
Visitors - One
People Who Should Ever Do This Hashing Thing Again - Zero
Let me just start off by saying that I can’t believe I actually BEGGED someone to do a hash. You guys really need an outsider’s perspective on this whole thing. Maybe at least one of you will realize what you’re doing and stop this silliness.
Anyway, I finally get my step-sister to let me come to one of your things, and it ends up that I go with her, my dad and my step-mom. I should have known what cretins you all were when I was told to wear this headband that said “virgin” on it. Don’t you guys have anything better to do than make fun of people?
And you guys have waaayyy to few blondes in your group. That should have tipped me off right away. The only nice thing I saw is that a couple people were selling shirts for someone named Bagless. That was sweet.
Well, immediately after we got out of the car, people who smelled like bug spray were coming up to us and pretending to be nice. I know it was all a ploy to get us into that icky forest. Then a couple of the people did a thing called “chalk talk” and were trying to explain what all these confusing marks mean. But how could I pay attention to any of that when the humidity was making my hair curl so bad? You know?
So we finally got started, and all those marks they were promising were nowhere to be found. I was getting really frustrated when this really loud out-of-town guy from Jacksonville started explaining stuff. His accent was a little strange, and I was totally not into him at all, but at least he was semi-OK to look at.
Let me just say that I probably would have sued you guys if I hadn’t worn tights. We got two steps into the woods and I was already having to pick my way through briars and all these other prickly things. I saw some of your legs. How many debutante parties do you think I could go to with legs like that? I’m so sure.
So we’re clawing our way through the woods and Jax won’t stop talking. What do you call it? Shiggy? Whatever. Anyway, we get to an open area so I started running a little, and that quiets him down a bit. When we get back into the “shiggy,” this really cute guy with a bandana and a pair of tight spandex starts laughing and points down to this gigantic bed of poison ivy that we’re in the middle of. I suddenly stopped liking him. Especially when, like, 10 feet later, we get into this horrid swamp and he lets out this bellowing cheer. What’s his freaking deal? Are all you guys like that?
So it takes me totally way to long to get through all this shoe-sucking mud, but Jax was being super-nice about it. He even kept looking down at my tights to make sure I wasn’t getting too muddy down there. What a sweety. Anyway, we end up getting way behind, and these people called the DSL’s or something catch up to us. So now we’re last, and I’m started to get really annoyed at all this mud that you all tricked me into getting into, but Jax said he’s done this before and knew what was going on.
All of a sudden I hear thunder, so Jax and I start running again. But it was too late. This awful storm came in and it was worse than awful. God was punishing me. The sky opened up and my hair got totally wet. Then I noticed that Jax was looking around a lot more, and then I realized he was having trouble finding those flour-things. He said it was because the rain was washing some of them away. You guys all talk tough, but I bet none of you have ever been stuck in the rain and gotten lost in the forest because the flour-things got washed away. It was horrible. I started crying, and Jax held me. We totally bonded out there in the forest, and you are all lucky he was with me. I would have totally called my lawyer.
Finally, a couple of you guys came to your senses and drove to find us. I told one of them I was going to wait at my car and to have my dad come give me my keys. I was going to get inside and wait for all you to get finished with whatever you do after one of these horrible runs.
Anyway, my dad never came, so I had to walk up to find him. I don’t understand why all of you were yelling and making fun of me, but I didn’t care. You should have seen yourselves. All drunk and gross. But I looked over and I saw my dad and step-mom actually laughing and having a good time. You disgusting people brainwashed them. I had half-a-mind to tell you where I think all of you should go, but I decided not to stoop to your level. I grabbed my dad’s keys, glared at everyone and left.
You didn’t know this, but I was watching when Jax came up to you guys a couple minutes later. I was so happy when he ran up to the food, grabbed some stuff and bolted back after me without saying a word to any of you. Ha. One of your own turned against you. I was so dirty and smelly, and I really didn’t feel like waiting in the car forever, so Jax offered to drive me back to where he was staying. I had to take three showers. I was so gross, I had to take the first one by myself. Hee hee.
I hate you all.
Hares - Three
Hounds - I have no idea
“Virgins” - Three
Visitors - One
People Who Should Ever Do This Hashing Thing Again - Zero
Let me just start off by saying that I can’t believe I actually BEGGED someone to do a hash. You guys really need an outsider’s perspective on this whole thing. Maybe at least one of you will realize what you’re doing and stop this silliness.
Anyway, I finally get my step-sister to let me come to one of your things, and it ends up that I go with her, my dad and my step-mom. I should have known what cretins you all were when I was told to wear this headband that said “virgin” on it. Don’t you guys have anything better to do than make fun of people?
And you guys have waaayyy to few blondes in your group. That should have tipped me off right away. The only nice thing I saw is that a couple people were selling shirts for someone named Bagless. That was sweet.
Well, immediately after we got out of the car, people who smelled like bug spray were coming up to us and pretending to be nice. I know it was all a ploy to get us into that icky forest. Then a couple of the people did a thing called “chalk talk” and were trying to explain what all these confusing marks mean. But how could I pay attention to any of that when the humidity was making my hair curl so bad? You know?
So we finally got started, and all those marks they were promising were nowhere to be found. I was getting really frustrated when this really loud out-of-town guy from Jacksonville started explaining stuff. His accent was a little strange, and I was totally not into him at all, but at least he was semi-OK to look at.
Let me just say that I probably would have sued you guys if I hadn’t worn tights. We got two steps into the woods and I was already having to pick my way through briars and all these other prickly things. I saw some of your legs. How many debutante parties do you think I could go to with legs like that? I’m so sure.
So we’re clawing our way through the woods and Jax won’t stop talking. What do you call it? Shiggy? Whatever. Anyway, we get to an open area so I started running a little, and that quiets him down a bit. When we get back into the “shiggy,” this really cute guy with a bandana and a pair of tight spandex starts laughing and points down to this gigantic bed of poison ivy that we’re in the middle of. I suddenly stopped liking him. Especially when, like, 10 feet later, we get into this horrid swamp and he lets out this bellowing cheer. What’s his freaking deal? Are all you guys like that?
So it takes me totally way to long to get through all this shoe-sucking mud, but Jax was being super-nice about it. He even kept looking down at my tights to make sure I wasn’t getting too muddy down there. What a sweety. Anyway, we end up getting way behind, and these people called the DSL’s or something catch up to us. So now we’re last, and I’m started to get really annoyed at all this mud that you all tricked me into getting into, but Jax said he’s done this before and knew what was going on.
All of a sudden I hear thunder, so Jax and I start running again. But it was too late. This awful storm came in and it was worse than awful. God was punishing me. The sky opened up and my hair got totally wet. Then I noticed that Jax was looking around a lot more, and then I realized he was having trouble finding those flour-things. He said it was because the rain was washing some of them away. You guys all talk tough, but I bet none of you have ever been stuck in the rain and gotten lost in the forest because the flour-things got washed away. It was horrible. I started crying, and Jax held me. We totally bonded out there in the forest, and you are all lucky he was with me. I would have totally called my lawyer.
Finally, a couple of you guys came to your senses and drove to find us. I told one of them I was going to wait at my car and to have my dad come give me my keys. I was going to get inside and wait for all you to get finished with whatever you do after one of these horrible runs.
Anyway, my dad never came, so I had to walk up to find him. I don’t understand why all of you were yelling and making fun of me, but I didn’t care. You should have seen yourselves. All drunk and gross. But I looked over and I saw my dad and step-mom actually laughing and having a good time. You disgusting people brainwashed them. I had half-a-mind to tell you where I think all of you should go, but I decided not to stoop to your level. I grabbed my dad’s keys, glared at everyone and left.
You didn’t know this, but I was watching when Jax came up to you guys a couple minutes later. I was so happy when he ran up to the food, grabbed some stuff and bolted back after me without saying a word to any of you. Ha. One of your own turned against you. I was so dirty and smelly, and I really didn’t feel like waiting in the car forever, so Jax offered to drive me back to where he was staying. I had to take three showers. I was so gross, I had to take the first one by myself. Hee hee.
I hate you all.
# posted by L&F @ 5:23 PM 
