05 November 2005
35. A Year as Road Whore
Shitloads of H3’s - May 2003 to May 2004
I was christened at my first road trip by getting pissed on.
The guy with the perfect aim called himself Otis, and he had just run what was my first naked circle. After I got out of the pool to let the chlorine do its work, I walked back over to him. He shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the hash, man." I woke up the next morning on a lounge chair, finally getting a look at Dirve’s gigantic screened-in back yard in the daylight. These people didn’t know me for shit when I got there, and ended up treating me like royalty. Urine and all. I was hooked. And it’s been all downhill from there.
I wrapped up the year getting, not pissed on, but rained on at Nash Hash-NC/SC, as a huge storm blew through Monday morning. There are plenty of write-ups on the weekend, but if I may add a couple things:
---I wasn’t going to say anything, but since I got a couple strangish e-mails and phone calls, I’d like to clear this up. Yes, I did get Sharpied, but I was not the Sharpie/BBQ sauce guy. The quite-wonderful Hash Trash author simply forgot to hit "enter" between topics. This was confirmed through a conversation with the quite-wonderful Hash-Trash author himself. Amen.
---I still have someone’s Spike and Mike’s Sick and Twisted 2002 in my L(ost)&F(ound) pile. I’ll mail it back to the person who claims it. God, if you’re actually reading this, you deserve more than that.
---My first attempt at writing down quotes went a little better than I had hoped. I actually made it through an entire day before losing my pen. Below are the ones I was able to read from the sheet of paper. Names excluded.
--[Pretending to masturbate for demonstration purposes] If you sit on your hand for a while, it feels like someone else is doing you.
--You smell like Off. It’s turning me on.
--[Screaming in pain] Ow! Ow!! Ow!!! [Suddenly intrigued] Do it again!
--That’s liquid ass.
--[Frustrated] I’m a person, not a huge throbbing cock!
--Just come into my tent at 11 and mount me.
--I remember I went to an event and you beat off.
--[Immediately after doing something randomly strange, and with dead-serious look on his face] You have to make out with me now.
--I’m doing a hell of a lot better than I was a couple hours ago, so fuck off.
--[Harriette, touching her ass] It’s got a lot of dimples and stuff. I’ve got a nice upper, though.
--Does your pussy hurt? Put your Big Girl Panties on and deal with it.
In that year, I figure I squeezed in 40 trips, including weekend events and interhashes. Yeah, I know that doesn’t come close to some of you, but my point isn’t to compete with the professionals. It’s simply to point out how many people I need to thank for making me feel at home, no matter where I found myself. And all I had to do was bring a shooter or two and wear some freaky attire.
If you live here, thank you for putting me up, or putting up with me:
Charlotte, Columbus, Daytona, Fayetteville, Greensboro, Johnson City, Long Beach, Los Angeles, Lynchburg, Macon, Montgomery, Montreal, Orlando, Pensacola, Raleigh, Savannah, and Tampa. And of course, to all the hashers who represented their cities well... Augusta, Austin, Biloxi, Charleston, Charlottesville, Cincinnati, Corpus Christi, D.C., Dallas, Dayton, Fort Walton, Houston, Jacksonville, Little Rock, Melbourne, Memphis, Mobile, Naples, Nashville, New Orleans, Pittsburgh, Richmond, San Antonio, Toronto, Virginia Beach, Waukesha, and all the others I forgot, or can’t link hash groups to.
If you can look beyond the horrific potential for exaggeration with this massive superlative, it has been the best year of my life. If there has been a second-best year, it doesn’t even come close.
Until next time,
On Out
-L&F
I was christened at my first road trip by getting pissed on.
The guy with the perfect aim called himself Otis, and he had just run what was my first naked circle. After I got out of the pool to let the chlorine do its work, I walked back over to him. He shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the hash, man." I woke up the next morning on a lounge chair, finally getting a look at Dirve’s gigantic screened-in back yard in the daylight. These people didn’t know me for shit when I got there, and ended up treating me like royalty. Urine and all. I was hooked. And it’s been all downhill from there.
I wrapped up the year getting, not pissed on, but rained on at Nash Hash-NC/SC, as a huge storm blew through Monday morning. There are plenty of write-ups on the weekend, but if I may add a couple things:
---I wasn’t going to say anything, but since I got a couple strangish e-mails and phone calls, I’d like to clear this up. Yes, I did get Sharpied, but I was not the Sharpie/BBQ sauce guy. The quite-wonderful Hash Trash author simply forgot to hit "enter" between topics. This was confirmed through a conversation with the quite-wonderful Hash-Trash author himself. Amen.
---I still have someone’s Spike and Mike’s Sick and Twisted 2002 in my L(ost)&F(ound) pile. I’ll mail it back to the person who claims it. God, if you’re actually reading this, you deserve more than that.
---My first attempt at writing down quotes went a little better than I had hoped. I actually made it through an entire day before losing my pen. Below are the ones I was able to read from the sheet of paper. Names excluded.
--[Pretending to masturbate for demonstration purposes] If you sit on your hand for a while, it feels like someone else is doing you.
--You smell like Off. It’s turning me on.
--[Screaming in pain] Ow! Ow!! Ow!!! [Suddenly intrigued] Do it again!
--That’s liquid ass.
--[Frustrated] I’m a person, not a huge throbbing cock!
--Just come into my tent at 11 and mount me.
--I remember I went to an event and you beat off.
--[Immediately after doing something randomly strange, and with dead-serious look on his face] You have to make out with me now.
--I’m doing a hell of a lot better than I was a couple hours ago, so fuck off.
--[Harriette, touching her ass] It’s got a lot of dimples and stuff. I’ve got a nice upper, though.
--Does your pussy hurt? Put your Big Girl Panties on and deal with it.
In that year, I figure I squeezed in 40 trips, including weekend events and interhashes. Yeah, I know that doesn’t come close to some of you, but my point isn’t to compete with the professionals. It’s simply to point out how many people I need to thank for making me feel at home, no matter where I found myself. And all I had to do was bring a shooter or two and wear some freaky attire.
If you live here, thank you for putting me up, or putting up with me:
Charlotte, Columbus, Daytona, Fayetteville, Greensboro, Johnson City, Long Beach, Los Angeles, Lynchburg, Macon, Montgomery, Montreal, Orlando, Pensacola, Raleigh, Savannah, and Tampa. And of course, to all the hashers who represented their cities well... Augusta, Austin, Biloxi, Charleston, Charlottesville, Cincinnati, Corpus Christi, D.C., Dallas, Dayton, Fort Walton, Houston, Jacksonville, Little Rock, Melbourne, Memphis, Mobile, Naples, Nashville, New Orleans, Pittsburgh, Richmond, San Antonio, Toronto, Virginia Beach, Waukesha, and all the others I forgot, or can’t link hash groups to.
If you can look beyond the horrific potential for exaggeration with this massive superlative, it has been the best year of my life. If there has been a second-best year, it doesn’t even come close.
Until next time,
On Out
-L&F
# posted by L&F @ 6:07 PM 
