17 November 2005
54. Inside the… Um… Bowels of Cobb County
Black Sheep H3 - 13 Novembeer 2005
To:
The 911 Lady
Cobb County 911 Communications
From:
[awful Nerd Name]
[scary Nerd Address]
[non-incriminating Nerd E-mail]
Date of calls: Sunday, 13 Nov 05
Time of calls: Between 2p - 3:30p
Addresses: Various, at Town Center Mall and nearby shopping centers
Dear Ms. 911 Lady:
I was told I might be able to get some information from you. I am part of a cross-country group that was running in the Town Center Mall-area yesterday afternoon. Officers stopped at least two of us and said some motorists had called 911 to report strange activity. If possible, I would like to get any information I can regarding the calls. That would include the number of calls and how the motorists described us. My goal is to report this information to the group, so we can learn how not to scare the public in the future. I have included my e-mail address on this page, in hopes it would be an acceptable way for you to get back to me.
Thank you,
[nerdy Nerd Signature]
Working at a job where digging for information is a way of life, it was second nature to poke around until I found someone who could give me info on our little jaunt. Oh, believe me though, I didn’t contact this lady until I mentally went back through the entire day to make sure we didn’t do anything too bad.
One missing person: found without incident
Two damaged cars: quietly taken from the area without a police report
One bloody but wily hare: interrogated and released by impressed officers
One crafty hound: interrogated and released by non-threatened officers
Piles of litter: removed
One tell-tale block of ice, complete with butt-cheek imprints: melted
Since only Two Dollar Ho was new to Black Sheep this time around, most of us knew what we were getting into when we gathered at Town Center Mall amid the Sunday afternoon drizzle. Some sort of torture. And by the sound of the hare’s warning, that torture would include a tunnel or two:
“DO NOT SHOW UP TO THIS HASH WITHOUT A LIGHT OF SOME KIND!!!”
Wow, a triple exclamation with all-caps. That gave me and the rest of the pack of 20-plus Sheepers something to ponder as we graciously allowed GE his entire five-minute [who said] head start. On Out.
The most excited living thing right off the block was Basil, who dashed off with his leash in his mouth, yelping deliriously. He was being held back by his moderately-paced master, so he kept snapping his head back with these huge, wide eyes that appeared to say “Fucking-A dad, I’m so worked up I’m about ready to piss myself! Hurry the fuck up!” I didn’t see Basil again until the end, since The Colonel secretly got advance word that there would be suffering for the four-legged set.
The sparse drizzle completely stopped by the time we hit the first check, which was on the road circling the mall. The first mark was found down a steep hill, next to a tunnel which was visible from the sidewalk. That tunnel was under one side of I-75, and it led to a short trip in a creek that was waist-deep in spots. Yes, The Boys got their first taste of winter here in the cold water. Another tunnel under the other side of I-75 brought us to a shopping center that included a Jo-Ann fabric store, among other mall-related tripe. Oh look, another tunnel visible from the parking lot. Who knew?
It was at this point things started getting strange. Most of the remaining part of our lovely afternoon was spent walking, trotting, shuffling and waddling underground. We’d get through one maze of tunnels, run for a bit in the daylight, and find ourselves right back down in the darkness. A few of us were lucky enough to climb a ladder that was attached to an overflow tube in the middle of a lake, and we got a surreal water-level view. This would end up being a thumbs-up moment during Trail Trial. One interesting entry point had us lowering our smelly selves down through an uncovered manhole. Yeah, I said smelly, and I don’t mean it lightly.
I think the parts of this trail that are going to scar me for a while were when things started getting really odorous, and we started seeing foam and globs of stuff floating in the water that looked like dark chunks of slimy mold. That’s when the incredulous comments started.
“Holy shit!”
“We’re walking through a damn toilet.”
“Some of us are gellin’ but ALL of us are smellin.”
“Oh fuck, there’s a floater!”
“How close are we to the source of this? My God, that’s TOILET PAPER!”
One of us noted that these were tunnels for creeks and parking lot run-off, and questioned why we would find ourselves amid raw sewage. I’m not steeped in infrastructure knowledge, and since I was steeping in water that smelled like my ass after three hours on trail, I found myself with other things on my mind, like fighting off my slight case of claustrophobia. And concentrating on moving slow enough to avoid kicking up all that crap toward my face.
Now, don’t think that a maze of tunnels, followed by another maze of tunnels and yet another maze of tunnels was enough. Mister Erect-Dick also decided to lay two YBF’s outside the tunnels in some shiggy. Which meant we had to go back down in the darkness the way we came and find another route. The speedy Sheepers who actually saw the YBF’s said there were d’erections included, obviously so we wouldn’t get Lost or give up. The back-tracks ended up being no-so-bad, and the last one actually took us to a new tunnel that brought us to an old part of trail that we were now doing backwards. The final exit point into daylight was a place we had been at around the half-way point. After a little road rage, we found the BN.
Now I try not to ponder life too hard, but as I got to the On-In, I found myself amazed I wasn’t bothered by that whole ordeal. And since I was (gasp) sober, I ended up pondering anyway. I think part of my mental non-chalance was my brain forcing a suspension of disbelief. Don’t forget the masochism factor. Of course, there’s also the fact that we hash in Atlanta shiggy, which means most of us have gone through some really rancid stuff more than a few times. Some of it might have also been comfort that there were other people going through the same thing at the same time, and we were all handling it quite well. I can only imagine what would have happened if, at the one point on this trail where the air got so bad you wanted to gag, someone fell to their knees, hyperventilating and puking. Hopefully, we would have just laughed and continued on. Did I just say that?
Tuesday, 15 November 2005
Mr. Nerd Name...
I found only one call in the area of Town Center Mall during that time period for any suspicious persons. I have mailed (through the US Postal Service) a copy of that call.
I do not know if the persons involved were members of your group of [sic] not.
If we can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact us.
Some Guy Who’s Not the 911 Lady
911 Records Supervisor
Cobb County 911
Cobb County...Expect the Best
www.cobbcounty.org
Expect the Best. That’s seriously Cobb’s tagline. Well, I’d have to say that was the best shit I’ve ever trudged through. And it did exceed my expectations. Thanks Cobb.
The on-in was inside the tree line next to a parking lot on the secluded side of a shopping center. To reward my subterranean efforts, I shot-gunned a Guinness and then peeled off my contaminated clothing. And you better believe the rubbing alcohol came out. Then the stories started coming in. As you already know, the police had been informed that we were in town, and GE had a run-in with them while he was on trail. He was dirty, scratched and bleeding, so he had a little more explaining to do than, say, a clean man in a pressed suit. While he was telling his story, Sani’s car alarm went off in the parking lot because TLS doesn’t know how to work any technology that’s not a computer. And it kept going off until Sani got over there and worked her magic. Like we need to tempt more cops.
Hey, where’s Donnie the Retard?
Hired Snatch had the next story, and it appears the cops stopped him, too. While he was telling us the officers let him go, we heard a crash out in the parking lot. It appears Wine Ho left the car in neutral or something and it rolled back… right into Oops’ truck. Oops. Some of us went out there to look, and noticed the truck was relatively scratch free. But Wine Ho’s bumper had a questionable look to it. And with a resounding POP, the larger dent popped out as we were standing there.
Um, still no Donnie. And word has it he wasn’t at the start.
Because of the tight quarters we were in, we couldn’t circle up for Down-Downs. But we managed to oval up. The Trail Trial was almost all positive, which was semi-surprising, considering GE had laid a trail that reminded us so much of shit and ass. This wasn’t the typical trail, but everyone seemed to appreciate it. As for me, even if I had hated it, I still wouldn’t have said anything out of sheer respect for someone who had to go down there and scout in that crap. Jesus.
Did Bwana do his (in)famous lottery?
Yup.
Did Bunny swing low?
Yup.
Did we find a Mexican restaurant?
Yup.
And did the Hash go in peace?
Of course we did. At least once we found Donnie at the start.
16 Nov 05
Cobb County Police Department
911/Communications Bureau
INCIDENT RECALL
Date: 13 Nov 05
Time: 15:25
Location: Ernest Barrett Pkwy NW & Roberts
Description: APPROX 10 MEN WITH FLASHLIGHTS
ON THEIR HE*DS RUNNING AROUND SPRINKLING
WHITE POWDER EVERYWHERE
And with that,
May the Hash Get a Piece
To:
The 911 Lady
Cobb County 911 Communications
From:
[awful Nerd Name]
[scary Nerd Address]
[non-incriminating Nerd E-mail]
Date of calls: Sunday, 13 Nov 05
Time of calls: Between 2p - 3:30p
Addresses: Various, at Town Center Mall and nearby shopping centers
Dear Ms. 911 Lady:
I was told I might be able to get some information from you. I am part of a cross-country group that was running in the Town Center Mall-area yesterday afternoon. Officers stopped at least two of us and said some motorists had called 911 to report strange activity. If possible, I would like to get any information I can regarding the calls. That would include the number of calls and how the motorists described us. My goal is to report this information to the group, so we can learn how not to scare the public in the future. I have included my e-mail address on this page, in hopes it would be an acceptable way for you to get back to me.
Thank you,
[nerdy Nerd Signature]
Working at a job where digging for information is a way of life, it was second nature to poke around until I found someone who could give me info on our little jaunt. Oh, believe me though, I didn’t contact this lady until I mentally went back through the entire day to make sure we didn’t do anything too bad.
One missing person: found without incident
Two damaged cars: quietly taken from the area without a police report
One bloody but wily hare: interrogated and released by impressed officers
One crafty hound: interrogated and released by non-threatened officers
Piles of litter: removed
One tell-tale block of ice, complete with butt-cheek imprints: melted
Since only Two Dollar Ho was new to Black Sheep this time around, most of us knew what we were getting into when we gathered at Town Center Mall amid the Sunday afternoon drizzle. Some sort of torture. And by the sound of the hare’s warning, that torture would include a tunnel or two:
“DO NOT SHOW UP TO THIS HASH WITHOUT A LIGHT OF SOME KIND!!!”
Wow, a triple exclamation with all-caps. That gave me and the rest of the pack of 20-plus Sheepers something to ponder as we graciously allowed GE his entire five-minute [who said] head start. On Out.
The most excited living thing right off the block was Basil, who dashed off with his leash in his mouth, yelping deliriously. He was being held back by his moderately-paced master, so he kept snapping his head back with these huge, wide eyes that appeared to say “Fucking-A dad, I’m so worked up I’m about ready to piss myself! Hurry the fuck up!” I didn’t see Basil again until the end, since The Colonel secretly got advance word that there would be suffering for the four-legged set.
The sparse drizzle completely stopped by the time we hit the first check, which was on the road circling the mall. The first mark was found down a steep hill, next to a tunnel which was visible from the sidewalk. That tunnel was under one side of I-75, and it led to a short trip in a creek that was waist-deep in spots. Yes, The Boys got their first taste of winter here in the cold water. Another tunnel under the other side of I-75 brought us to a shopping center that included a Jo-Ann fabric store, among other mall-related tripe. Oh look, another tunnel visible from the parking lot. Who knew?
It was at this point things started getting strange. Most of the remaining part of our lovely afternoon was spent walking, trotting, shuffling and waddling underground. We’d get through one maze of tunnels, run for a bit in the daylight, and find ourselves right back down in the darkness. A few of us were lucky enough to climb a ladder that was attached to an overflow tube in the middle of a lake, and we got a surreal water-level view. This would end up being a thumbs-up moment during Trail Trial. One interesting entry point had us lowering our smelly selves down through an uncovered manhole. Yeah, I said smelly, and I don’t mean it lightly.
I think the parts of this trail that are going to scar me for a while were when things started getting really odorous, and we started seeing foam and globs of stuff floating in the water that looked like dark chunks of slimy mold. That’s when the incredulous comments started.
“Holy shit!”
“We’re walking through a damn toilet.”
“Some of us are gellin’ but ALL of us are smellin.”
“Oh fuck, there’s a floater!”
“How close are we to the source of this? My God, that’s TOILET PAPER!”
One of us noted that these were tunnels for creeks and parking lot run-off, and questioned why we would find ourselves amid raw sewage. I’m not steeped in infrastructure knowledge, and since I was steeping in water that smelled like my ass after three hours on trail, I found myself with other things on my mind, like fighting off my slight case of claustrophobia. And concentrating on moving slow enough to avoid kicking up all that crap toward my face.
Now, don’t think that a maze of tunnels, followed by another maze of tunnels and yet another maze of tunnels was enough. Mister Erect-Dick also decided to lay two YBF’s outside the tunnels in some shiggy. Which meant we had to go back down in the darkness the way we came and find another route. The speedy Sheepers who actually saw the YBF’s said there were d’erections included, obviously so we wouldn’t get Lost or give up. The back-tracks ended up being no-so-bad, and the last one actually took us to a new tunnel that brought us to an old part of trail that we were now doing backwards. The final exit point into daylight was a place we had been at around the half-way point. After a little road rage, we found the BN.
Now I try not to ponder life too hard, but as I got to the On-In, I found myself amazed I wasn’t bothered by that whole ordeal. And since I was (gasp) sober, I ended up pondering anyway. I think part of my mental non-chalance was my brain forcing a suspension of disbelief. Don’t forget the masochism factor. Of course, there’s also the fact that we hash in Atlanta shiggy, which means most of us have gone through some really rancid stuff more than a few times. Some of it might have also been comfort that there were other people going through the same thing at the same time, and we were all handling it quite well. I can only imagine what would have happened if, at the one point on this trail where the air got so bad you wanted to gag, someone fell to their knees, hyperventilating and puking. Hopefully, we would have just laughed and continued on. Did I just say that?
Tuesday, 15 November 2005
Mr. Nerd Name...
I found only one call in the area of Town Center Mall during that time period for any suspicious persons. I have mailed (through the US Postal Service) a copy of that call.
I do not know if the persons involved were members of your group of [sic] not.
If we can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact us.
Some Guy Who’s Not the 911 Lady
911 Records Supervisor
Cobb County 911
Cobb County...Expect the Best
www.cobbcounty.org
Expect the Best. That’s seriously Cobb’s tagline. Well, I’d have to say that was the best shit I’ve ever trudged through. And it did exceed my expectations. Thanks Cobb.
The on-in was inside the tree line next to a parking lot on the secluded side of a shopping center. To reward my subterranean efforts, I shot-gunned a Guinness and then peeled off my contaminated clothing. And you better believe the rubbing alcohol came out. Then the stories started coming in. As you already know, the police had been informed that we were in town, and GE had a run-in with them while he was on trail. He was dirty, scratched and bleeding, so he had a little more explaining to do than, say, a clean man in a pressed suit. While he was telling his story, Sani’s car alarm went off in the parking lot because TLS doesn’t know how to work any technology that’s not a computer. And it kept going off until Sani got over there and worked her magic. Like we need to tempt more cops.
Hey, where’s Donnie the Retard?
Hired Snatch had the next story, and it appears the cops stopped him, too. While he was telling us the officers let him go, we heard a crash out in the parking lot. It appears Wine Ho left the car in neutral or something and it rolled back… right into Oops’ truck. Oops. Some of us went out there to look, and noticed the truck was relatively scratch free. But Wine Ho’s bumper had a questionable look to it. And with a resounding POP, the larger dent popped out as we were standing there.
Um, still no Donnie. And word has it he wasn’t at the start.
Because of the tight quarters we were in, we couldn’t circle up for Down-Downs. But we managed to oval up. The Trail Trial was almost all positive, which was semi-surprising, considering GE had laid a trail that reminded us so much of shit and ass. This wasn’t the typical trail, but everyone seemed to appreciate it. As for me, even if I had hated it, I still wouldn’t have said anything out of sheer respect for someone who had to go down there and scout in that crap. Jesus.
Did Bwana do his (in)famous lottery?
Yup.
Did Bunny swing low?
Yup.
Did we find a Mexican restaurant?
Yup.
And did the Hash go in peace?
Of course we did. At least once we found Donnie at the start.
16 Nov 05
Cobb County Police Department
911/Communications Bureau
INCIDENT RECALL
Date: 13 Nov 05
Time: 15:25
Location: Ernest Barrett Pkwy NW & Roberts
Description: APPROX 10 MEN WITH FLASHLIGHTS
ON THEIR HE*DS RUNNING AROUND SPRINKLING
WHITE POWDER EVERYWHERE
And with that,
May the Hash Get a Piece
# posted by L&F @ 12:05 AM 
