05 November 2005
33. L&F vs. Dick Snail
Carolina Trash H3 - 16 May 2004
I rewrote this in August of 2006, more than a year after Dick Snail left to go overseas. You need to know this so the following reads like a tribute, and not an obsessive love note to someone who's still around.
------
For that road trip weekend, the Beer Mile wasn't enough. Adding the Red Dress Run wasn't enough either. We also needed to hash, and hash we did. Sunday morning, we took leave of Greensboro and drove to Fayetteville to worship at the Trash altar. I did not write a hash trash for this lovely event, because the Trash scribe had this posted before we even got back to Atlanta. His name? Dick Snail.
Dick Snail doesn't look like a Trasher. He doesn't even look like a hasher. He looks too clean cut. I mean, he dubbed himself Math Club Vice President, for fuck's sake. But not only is he a good hasher, he's a good Trasher, and he represents well. Actually, that's an understatement. The guy is hilarious. His claim to fame is doing the Dick Snail, which is when you whip out your dick and strategically move it over to the side so your Cock and Balls look like a moving snail. To complete the trick, he hops up and down to the side and says "scootch scootch scootch." Now, I'm not one to enjoy checking out male junk, but that never got old.
When he first started posting, he would sign his posts simply "Dick Snail." Then he would sign them "Fear the Snail. Dick Snail." Then it was "FTS DS." Finally, he added the famous tagline, like this: "Fear the Snail. Dick Snail (Scootch Scootch.)
I remember telling Dick Snail right to his face that I hated him because his Hash Trashes were so good. They had this random babbling quality that fit pefectly with the subject matter. The hash trash he wrote for Any Ol Lesbian King's trail is a perfect example. Here's what he posted at 11:30 that night.
I have to start with a quick side not, Chuck Yager-miester would be a
great hash name, we need to keep that in mind (or even better,
Up-Chuck Yager-meister) (side note number two.. my noodle is
cock-a-doodle)
anyways, I am sure I am breaking speed records for the worlds fastes
hash recap... I would not be surprised if there are still people at
the on after right now! ...anywho, today we had a mystery hare and to
everybody's (and by everybody, I mean no one) surprise it was The
Lesbian King (seriously lets think about this, possible mystery hares,
6: Moremen, Fiber, Sperm Sniper, Shitty, Scabby and Lesbo King...
Moremen: Doesn't read the yahoo group, would not know how to post
about being mystery hare
Fiber: just went to Germany.. if he is back, then his marriage is not
working out
Sperm: Too busy kicking ass in Iraq
Shitty/Scabby: Coming down in 2 weeks for NASH hash
Lesbo King: posted to the group recently, showed up at G-Spot Red
Dress yesterday
it doesn't take a rocket scientest to figure this stuff out... just a
math club VP!)
anywho, trail frickin' ruled! Lots of shiggy but nothing that was
overwhelmingly bad, the only part that sucked about this trail was the
bank that said it was 92 degrees outside... yuck. Well, with all that
said, here is what happened on trail, as well as my inebriated ass can
tell...
1) to quote the greatest band of all time, "Let California fall into
the fuckin' ocean" ..well, I have no control over tidal waves or the
San Andreas fault line so I will do the next best thing, I will eat
california out of a jello shot mold! For the record, orange jello is
the worst choice of jellos for jello shots, next time use green or red.
2) Here is a lesson to all trashers that have never done a road trip..
when you go somewhere, if someone says "Hi, welcome to the Trash, my
name is *insert hash name here*" please respond by saying "Hi, *insert
hash name here*, my name is *insert your hash name here*, nice to meet
you." I only say this because we had the two most anti-social
visitors I have ever met... I do not care that you guys got married
on thursday, there are other people to talk too, quit canoodling!
...besides, who in their right mind chooses Fayetteville for their
honeymoon?
3) to quote the second greatest band of all time, "I fought the law
and.... I won!" Now, I am not a smoker, but I really don't give it
shit about it when people smoke out side, but some people do. and one
of those people just happens to be our R.A. Snapper John MD, so in
anticipation of him calling all "Fags on the ice" every hasher decided
to smoke today... truly, it was a circle that was alive with pleasure!
4) Speaking of bad habits, we ran out of beer at circle today!
Fortunately the food lion about 4 blocks away had some left, 11 cases
of beer were purchased, more would have been purchased but there was a
wheel chair bound kid that sounded like Steven Hawking asking for
money, and since Steven Hawking is my 3rd favorite author I gave him
some cash.
5) So, Dick Snail, Spooge Bob and Diddy are DFL'ing their way to the
3rd beer stop when they come across "The Fortress" ,Fayetteville's
finest porn-atourium, they thought they would be clever and go in and
purchase something for circle! ...but when they walked in, it turned
out they were not alone! Lost and Fucked was already there! although
he was making more of a deposit than a purchase if you know what I
mean! (side note 3: The Fortress has the coolest porn for sale, it
is called "Brown Baggin It", it is women wearing a paper grocery bag
with eye holes and a mouth hole cut out!, someone needs to buy it.)
6) "What's in a name? that which we call a rose, by any other name
would smell as sweet" ...hell no, if we called a rose a poop flower
no one would like the smell! So today Just Jessica and Just Mack lost
their poop flower names and became roses as "2-Percent" and "The
Breast is Yet To Cum" ...When Harry Met Anus, was proud.
7) It is one thing to fall asleep when you are going down on a chick,
it is a whole other thing to fall asleep when you are doing a
down-down on a chick. Viva La Leche!
8) The trash is a wild group, but even we have boundaries, we don't
pose with tourtered Iraqi prisoners, we do not mix bibs with bodily
fluids and we would never put a shoe in a motorcyle helmet!
9) Circle was great today, the jokes were hilarious, the beer was cold
and the chicks all showed boobies! ...and apparently Snapper's circle
wasn't too bad either!
10) When you are out of beer, it is perfectly acceptable to use a
handful of watermelon that has been spiked to do your down-down.
p.s. it started at Hooters and ended at Back Door for anyone that
cares about that kind of shit
p.s.s the greatest band of all time is Rancid
p.s.s.s The Clash is the second greatest band
p.s.s.s.s Badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers... mushroom mushroom!
p.s.s.s.s.s I know each write up got lamer/shorter as it went on, but
I am tired, so poops to you!
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
And then he posted this the next day, at noon:
sorry, I have posted so many messages in a row but I, somehow,
some way keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day...
11) Lil Bird, if you are every beer truck driver again, it will not be
in my truck! You are way to close to popping and there is no way I
will pay to get amniotic fluid out of my upholstery!
FTS
DS
Since Dick Snail (Scootch Scootch) was consistently writing the Trash's Trashes, I only had to post this on the G-Spot website. Um, Tuesday morning, I believe:
I was going to do a write-up on the Beer Mile and Red Dress, but I
can't top Twattoo's and Confused's pictures. (Posts 241 and 243).
I mean, how can you possibly verbalize a river of foamy, white vomit
streaming from someone's face? OK, there was black vomit, too.
Guinness just looks strange coming back up. Now all we need is
a .wav file for the sound.
As for the Red Dress, as you can see, everyone was beautiful. A big
thank you goes out to everyone for keeping us humble out-of-towners
entertained. And of course, thank you once again to MC and Whiner
for the crash space, the food, the pool and the pre-lube to Sunday's
Trash trail.
I love beer,
-L&F
I also posted on the Trash board Tuesday morning, as a response to DS's hash trash:
Just a couple things to add to that wonderful opus:
--The number of words Dick Snail misspells is directly proportional to the number of beers he has in his system.
--Orange jello actually worked out well, because as we all know, sticky orange stuff makes TT so incredibly happy.
--Let’s not forget the glorious ass-crack incident at circle. Cheese balls, anyone?
--Finding porn on trail is wonderful enough. Finding a whole store is a dream cum true.
--If you buy a cock ring during a Trash trail, it will be put to good use almost immediately.
--The locals absolutely love it when you carry a half-hard foot-long dildo down the street.
--The best way to get service at Fat Daddy’s is to go into the bar with a bullhorn.
--If you live in Atlanta and you leave Fayettenam at 9:30 at night, you won’t get home until after 3 in the morning. Being alert at work is highly overrated.
I love beer
-L&F
It was now time for Dick Snail to put me in my place. This is what he posted Tuesday afternoon on the G-Spot board:
I was not going to do a write up for you guys, hell, it is not my
event, but now L&F said that a write up could not to justice?!?! Ha..
now I goal in life... write up to come soon.
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
By that night, he had his writeup finished:
Alright, I hope I am not stepping on anyone's feet (if I am, it is too
bad, you should have been wearing shoes!) by doing a write up here,
but the BM/RDR was so much fun that it needs a text rememberance to
put into the yearbook.
First things, first, BM/RDR was child friendly, well... I'm not, FUCK
SHIT POOP, so if your mom drove you to Greensboro then quit reading this!
Just like Herpes or a creepy relative, the G-Spot Beer Mile / Red
Dress R*n is back! This year's Beer Mile was the most anticipated in
history! Would BOOB TEASER win again? What about DICK SNAIL?, he
would not have to get engaged after this years BM or what about the
new cumer HUNG KONG PHOOEY? and the Red Dress R*n was just as
anticipated, as many wondered what would Buck be wearing? or will
anyone be wearing the J. Lo dress? ...allright, that is enough
suspense, here it is, my version of what happened:
1) The Beer Mile could not have "got-off" to a better start... Hooray
for girl's lacrosse! I guess things could have been better, I mean
girl's field hockey has such better outfits!
2) Ok, maybe I hyped up the compeTITion for the Beer Mile, really, we
all knew BOOB was going to win again.. he is the Garry Kasparov of
binge running! Although, it appears his victory came at a price, he
was unable to regain conciousness in time for the Red Dress. Was it
worth it BOOB? Was it?
3) This year marked the first year of Team CompeTITion, and Team
Guiness, made up of Capitain: SMOOV OPERWATOR, Dictator for Life:
SPOOGE BOB SHIT PANTS and El Presidente: DICK SNAIL, dominated!
Infact, the second place team has still not finished!
4) Nothing beats the feeling of over-whelming nausea like the down
south stlye cookin' of Boston Garden. Grease and Guiness go together
like peas and carrot.. like you and me!
5) JUST LORI, a virgin, showed up to the Red Dress, she was so sexy
that DICK SNAIL immediatly formulated a plan to get her drunk, take
her home and have his way.. to quote Dubya, "Mission Accomplished."
6) Censorship sucks. Have we learned nothing from 2 Live Crew?
However, changing the words from Them, Fuck Them to Them mumble Them
was pure genius! This was almost as clever as when the Grammy's redid
Outkast's hit Hey Ya... ugh...
7) Maybe this is normal for you G-Spotters, but what the hell is with
NEXMELL and quarters? Is this some bizzaro rain-man type thing? DICK
SNAIL and SPOOGE BOB needed quarters to use the breath-alizer at the
bar (for the record they both blew a .33!) after Red Dress and NEXMELL
said she would give him one, as long as it was not minted at the
Denver plant! 10 minutes to Wapner.
8) I am sure everyone is wondering who the best dressed of the Red
Dress was... well, it came down to DICK SNAIL, BUCK-A-FUFFALO and MISS
CHAROLLETE and the winner was... ...CORNHOLIO? yep, he may have
been in non-red dress attire, but he was fashionably late! (lamest
joke I have ever written)
9) Thanks you MC HASHER and WHINER for letting us use your place,
truly, the casbah was rocked; however, I did hear a nasty rumor... I
heard that we can only play Beer Pong with proxy beer! Is this true?
What is your Beer Pong table made of? Gold? Platinum... Adamantium?
Anywho, all joking aside, thanks for the place to crash.
10) SCAF's mug has been missing for months, rumors had begun about a
world tour; however, like all things missing, they are where you left
them and in SCAF's case that was the bottom of MC HASHER's pool! It
was less than 2 hours after the return of the mug that terrorists
(possibly Al-Qaeda terrorists) were thwarted trying to steal it again.
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
Tuesday around midnight, I admitted defeat. But I got the last word:
All right, you win. Damn you.
But in my defense, I couldn't have done a good job on a write up
even if I tried because I was too busy...
1. Cumming up with a new shooter for Nash Hash.
(Mission accomplished.)
2. Washing the beer out of my dress.
(That was the most soaked I've ever gotten from Old McDonald.)
3. Driving around town trying to find Orgazmo on DVD.
(It's currently out of print.)
4. Trying to find a leather whip.
(Apparently, Fayetteville sex shops only carry leather paddles.)
5. Creating my Dick Snail The Writing God shrine
(Complete with a golden pen, bronzed keyboard, neon Scootch Scootch
sign, Math Club VP t-shirt, a half-empty bottle of Guinness and some
dark brown puke.)
I love beer
-L&F
------
So that's how my shrine to a fellow Hash Trash author came about. One last note about that weekend... The Cheeseball Incident. Spooge Bob Shit Pants was in circle wearning nothing but a cooking apron. So of course, he ass was exposed. We were passing around a huge container of Cheese Balls that Tonsil Tang finally got a hold of. She went up behind Spooge and started putting them into the crack of his ass. When they lined his entire crack, she grabbed each one with her teeth and ate them all. Crunch crunch. He never flinched, and she never announced she was doing it. There were definitely people who noticed, but the low-key nature of the whole thing made it that much more priceless. The Cheeseball Incident will end up being one of the all-time best things I've ever seen in circle.
-L&F
I rewrote this in August of 2006, more than a year after Dick Snail left to go overseas. You need to know this so the following reads like a tribute, and not an obsessive love note to someone who's still around.
------
For that road trip weekend, the Beer Mile wasn't enough. Adding the Red Dress Run wasn't enough either. We also needed to hash, and hash we did. Sunday morning, we took leave of Greensboro and drove to Fayetteville to worship at the Trash altar. I did not write a hash trash for this lovely event, because the Trash scribe had this posted before we even got back to Atlanta. His name? Dick Snail.
Dick Snail doesn't look like a Trasher. He doesn't even look like a hasher. He looks too clean cut. I mean, he dubbed himself Math Club Vice President, for fuck's sake. But not only is he a good hasher, he's a good Trasher, and he represents well. Actually, that's an understatement. The guy is hilarious. His claim to fame is doing the Dick Snail, which is when you whip out your dick and strategically move it over to the side so your Cock and Balls look like a moving snail. To complete the trick, he hops up and down to the side and says "scootch scootch scootch." Now, I'm not one to enjoy checking out male junk, but that never got old.
When he first started posting, he would sign his posts simply "Dick Snail." Then he would sign them "Fear the Snail. Dick Snail." Then it was "FTS DS." Finally, he added the famous tagline, like this: "Fear the Snail. Dick Snail (Scootch Scootch.)
I remember telling Dick Snail right to his face that I hated him because his Hash Trashes were so good. They had this random babbling quality that fit pefectly with the subject matter. The hash trash he wrote for Any Ol Lesbian King's trail is a perfect example. Here's what he posted at 11:30 that night.
I have to start with a quick side not, Chuck Yager-miester would be a
great hash name, we need to keep that in mind (or even better,
Up-Chuck Yager-meister) (side note number two.. my noodle is
cock-a-doodle)
anyways, I am sure I am breaking speed records for the worlds fastes
hash recap... I would not be surprised if there are still people at
the on after right now! ...anywho, today we had a mystery hare and to
everybody's (and by everybody, I mean no one) surprise it was The
Lesbian King (seriously lets think about this, possible mystery hares,
6: Moremen, Fiber, Sperm Sniper, Shitty, Scabby and Lesbo King...
Moremen: Doesn't read the yahoo group, would not know how to post
about being mystery hare
Fiber: just went to Germany.. if he is back, then his marriage is not
working out
Sperm: Too busy kicking ass in Iraq
Shitty/Scabby: Coming down in 2 weeks for NASH hash
Lesbo King: posted to the group recently, showed up at G-Spot Red
Dress yesterday
it doesn't take a rocket scientest to figure this stuff out... just a
math club VP!)
anywho, trail frickin' ruled! Lots of shiggy but nothing that was
overwhelmingly bad, the only part that sucked about this trail was the
bank that said it was 92 degrees outside... yuck. Well, with all that
said, here is what happened on trail, as well as my inebriated ass can
tell...
1) to quote the greatest band of all time, "Let California fall into
the fuckin' ocean" ..well, I have no control over tidal waves or the
San Andreas fault line so I will do the next best thing, I will eat
california out of a jello shot mold! For the record, orange jello is
the worst choice of jellos for jello shots, next time use green or red.
2) Here is a lesson to all trashers that have never done a road trip..
when you go somewhere, if someone says "Hi, welcome to the Trash, my
name is *insert hash name here*" please respond by saying "Hi, *insert
hash name here*, my name is *insert your hash name here*, nice to meet
you." I only say this because we had the two most anti-social
visitors I have ever met... I do not care that you guys got married
on thursday, there are other people to talk too, quit canoodling!
...besides, who in their right mind chooses Fayetteville for their
honeymoon?
3) to quote the second greatest band of all time, "I fought the law
and.... I won!" Now, I am not a smoker, but I really don't give it
shit about it when people smoke out side, but some people do. and one
of those people just happens to be our R.A. Snapper John MD, so in
anticipation of him calling all "Fags on the ice" every hasher decided
to smoke today... truly, it was a circle that was alive with pleasure!
4) Speaking of bad habits, we ran out of beer at circle today!
Fortunately the food lion about 4 blocks away had some left, 11 cases
of beer were purchased, more would have been purchased but there was a
wheel chair bound kid that sounded like Steven Hawking asking for
money, and since Steven Hawking is my 3rd favorite author I gave him
some cash.
5) So, Dick Snail, Spooge Bob and Diddy are DFL'ing their way to the
3rd beer stop when they come across "The Fortress" ,Fayetteville's
finest porn-atourium, they thought they would be clever and go in and
purchase something for circle! ...but when they walked in, it turned
out they were not alone! Lost and Fucked was already there! although
he was making more of a deposit than a purchase if you know what I
mean! (side note 3: The Fortress has the coolest porn for sale, it
is called "Brown Baggin It", it is women wearing a paper grocery bag
with eye holes and a mouth hole cut out!, someone needs to buy it.)
6) "What's in a name? that which we call a rose, by any other name
would smell as sweet" ...hell no, if we called a rose a poop flower
no one would like the smell! So today Just Jessica and Just Mack lost
their poop flower names and became roses as "2-Percent" and "The
Breast is Yet To Cum" ...When Harry Met Anus, was proud.
7) It is one thing to fall asleep when you are going down on a chick,
it is a whole other thing to fall asleep when you are doing a
down-down on a chick. Viva La Leche!
8) The trash is a wild group, but even we have boundaries, we don't
pose with tourtered Iraqi prisoners, we do not mix bibs with bodily
fluids and we would never put a shoe in a motorcyle helmet!
9) Circle was great today, the jokes were hilarious, the beer was cold
and the chicks all showed boobies! ...and apparently Snapper's circle
wasn't too bad either!
10) When you are out of beer, it is perfectly acceptable to use a
handful of watermelon that has been spiked to do your down-down.
p.s. it started at Hooters and ended at Back Door for anyone that
cares about that kind of shit
p.s.s the greatest band of all time is Rancid
p.s.s.s The Clash is the second greatest band
p.s.s.s.s Badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers... mushroom mushroom!
p.s.s.s.s.s I know each write up got lamer/shorter as it went on, but
I am tired, so poops to you!
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
And then he posted this the next day, at noon:
sorry, I have posted so many messages in a row but I, somehow,
some way keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day...
11) Lil Bird, if you are every beer truck driver again, it will not be
in my truck! You are way to close to popping and there is no way I
will pay to get amniotic fluid out of my upholstery!
FTS
DS
Since Dick Snail (Scootch Scootch) was consistently writing the Trash's Trashes, I only had to post this on the G-Spot website. Um, Tuesday morning, I believe:
I was going to do a write-up on the Beer Mile and Red Dress, but I
can't top Twattoo's and Confused's pictures. (Posts 241 and 243).
I mean, how can you possibly verbalize a river of foamy, white vomit
streaming from someone's face? OK, there was black vomit, too.
Guinness just looks strange coming back up. Now all we need is
a .wav file for the sound.
As for the Red Dress, as you can see, everyone was beautiful. A big
thank you goes out to everyone for keeping us humble out-of-towners
entertained. And of course, thank you once again to MC and Whiner
for the crash space, the food, the pool and the pre-lube to Sunday's
Trash trail.
I love beer,
-L&F
I also posted on the Trash board Tuesday morning, as a response to DS's hash trash:
Just a couple things to add to that wonderful opus:
--The number of words Dick Snail misspells is directly proportional to the number of beers he has in his system.
--Orange jello actually worked out well, because as we all know, sticky orange stuff makes TT so incredibly happy.
--Let’s not forget the glorious ass-crack incident at circle. Cheese balls, anyone?
--Finding porn on trail is wonderful enough. Finding a whole store is a dream cum true.
--If you buy a cock ring during a Trash trail, it will be put to good use almost immediately.
--The locals absolutely love it when you carry a half-hard foot-long dildo down the street.
--The best way to get service at Fat Daddy’s is to go into the bar with a bullhorn.
--If you live in Atlanta and you leave Fayettenam at 9:30 at night, you won’t get home until after 3 in the morning. Being alert at work is highly overrated.
I love beer
-L&F
It was now time for Dick Snail to put me in my place. This is what he posted Tuesday afternoon on the G-Spot board:
I was not going to do a write up for you guys, hell, it is not my
event, but now L&F said that a write up could not to justice?!?! Ha..
now I goal in life... write up to come soon.
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
By that night, he had his writeup finished:
Alright, I hope I am not stepping on anyone's feet (if I am, it is too
bad, you should have been wearing shoes!) by doing a write up here,
but the BM/RDR was so much fun that it needs a text rememberance to
put into the yearbook.
First things, first, BM/RDR was child friendly, well... I'm not, FUCK
SHIT POOP, so if your mom drove you to Greensboro then quit reading this!
Just like Herpes or a creepy relative, the G-Spot Beer Mile / Red
Dress R*n is back! This year's Beer Mile was the most anticipated in
history! Would BOOB TEASER win again? What about DICK SNAIL?, he
would not have to get engaged after this years BM or what about the
new cumer HUNG KONG PHOOEY? and the Red Dress R*n was just as
anticipated, as many wondered what would Buck be wearing? or will
anyone be wearing the J. Lo dress? ...allright, that is enough
suspense, here it is, my version of what happened:
1) The Beer Mile could not have "got-off" to a better start... Hooray
for girl's lacrosse! I guess things could have been better, I mean
girl's field hockey has such better outfits!
2) Ok, maybe I hyped up the compeTITion for the Beer Mile, really, we
all knew BOOB was going to win again.. he is the Garry Kasparov of
binge running! Although, it appears his victory came at a price, he
was unable to regain conciousness in time for the Red Dress. Was it
worth it BOOB? Was it?
3) This year marked the first year of Team CompeTITion, and Team
Guiness, made up of Capitain: SMOOV OPERWATOR, Dictator for Life:
SPOOGE BOB SHIT PANTS and El Presidente: DICK SNAIL, dominated!
Infact, the second place team has still not finished!
4) Nothing beats the feeling of over-whelming nausea like the down
south stlye cookin' of Boston Garden. Grease and Guiness go together
like peas and carrot.. like you and me!
5) JUST LORI, a virgin, showed up to the Red Dress, she was so sexy
that DICK SNAIL immediatly formulated a plan to get her drunk, take
her home and have his way.. to quote Dubya, "Mission Accomplished."
6) Censorship sucks. Have we learned nothing from 2 Live Crew?
However, changing the words from Them, Fuck Them to Them mumble Them
was pure genius! This was almost as clever as when the Grammy's redid
Outkast's hit Hey Ya... ugh...
7) Maybe this is normal for you G-Spotters, but what the hell is with
NEXMELL and quarters? Is this some bizzaro rain-man type thing? DICK
SNAIL and SPOOGE BOB needed quarters to use the breath-alizer at the
bar (for the record they both blew a .33!) after Red Dress and NEXMELL
said she would give him one, as long as it was not minted at the
Denver plant! 10 minutes to Wapner.
8) I am sure everyone is wondering who the best dressed of the Red
Dress was... well, it came down to DICK SNAIL, BUCK-A-FUFFALO and MISS
CHAROLLETE and the winner was... ...CORNHOLIO? yep, he may have
been in non-red dress attire, but he was fashionably late! (lamest
joke I have ever written)
9) Thanks you MC HASHER and WHINER for letting us use your place,
truly, the casbah was rocked; however, I did hear a nasty rumor... I
heard that we can only play Beer Pong with proxy beer! Is this true?
What is your Beer Pong table made of? Gold? Platinum... Adamantium?
Anywho, all joking aside, thanks for the place to crash.
10) SCAF's mug has been missing for months, rumors had begun about a
world tour; however, like all things missing, they are where you left
them and in SCAF's case that was the bottom of MC HASHER's pool! It
was less than 2 hours after the return of the mug that terrorists
(possibly Al-Qaeda terrorists) were thwarted trying to steal it again.
Fear The Snail
Dick Snail
Tuesday around midnight, I admitted defeat. But I got the last word:
All right, you win. Damn you.
But in my defense, I couldn't have done a good job on a write up
even if I tried because I was too busy...
1. Cumming up with a new shooter for Nash Hash.
(Mission accomplished.)
2. Washing the beer out of my dress.
(That was the most soaked I've ever gotten from Old McDonald.)
3. Driving around town trying to find Orgazmo on DVD.
(It's currently out of print.)
4. Trying to find a leather whip.
(Apparently, Fayetteville sex shops only carry leather paddles.)
5. Creating my Dick Snail The Writing God shrine
(Complete with a golden pen, bronzed keyboard, neon Scootch Scootch
sign, Math Club VP t-shirt, a half-empty bottle of Guinness and some
dark brown puke.)
I love beer
-L&F
------
So that's how my shrine to a fellow Hash Trash author came about. One last note about that weekend... The Cheeseball Incident. Spooge Bob Shit Pants was in circle wearning nothing but a cooking apron. So of course, he ass was exposed. We were passing around a huge container of Cheese Balls that Tonsil Tang finally got a hold of. She went up behind Spooge and started putting them into the crack of his ass. When they lined his entire crack, she grabbed each one with her teeth and ate them all. Crunch crunch. He never flinched, and she never announced she was doing it. There were definitely people who noticed, but the low-key nature of the whole thing made it that much more priceless. The Cheeseball Incident will end up being one of the all-time best things I've ever seen in circle.
-L&F
# posted by L&F @ 6:05 PM 
