05 November 2005
19. Wherein I Am Introduced to the Joys of the 40
Chattahoochee Valley H3 - 24 January 2004
All right you freaks. Grab your beverage of choice [BEER] and put your smelly feet up. Time for some paragraphs.
This edition of the Camp Diva road trip consisted of two members. Red Breast and that travel bitch who does whatever he’s told (that would be me). Past water damage still had Thor, my hash truck, smelling like sheeyat because I haven’t been able to air it out. So RB brought a candle with her and we lit it for the drive down. It fit perfectly in the cup holder. Props for the idea. Think pre-criminal Martha Stewart turning mental. The trick is to take your lips [LIPS? WHO SAID LIPS? I’LL TAKE SOME OF THAT… ON MY ZIPPER] and blow out the flame about 10-15 miles from your destination, so the wax hardens a bit and doesn’t go all over everywhere when you slow down and start turning. Because God knows getting hot wax all over you would be gross. Hey, wait a minute…
Um… anyway… so we were driving to Columbus, in case you hadn’t figured that out by now. Trail #82, 24 Jan 04. We get to the start, which is the parking lot shared by a bunch of stores, namely Piggy Wiggly and that place where we took a leak. Burger King, I think. We spotted hashers and r@ced over.
The pack included: Blown Load, Britney Screams, Extended Play, Faceful Hound, Gag Reflex, IUD, Just Tom, Numb Nutz, Red Breast, Squirrly Temple, and your author with a half-mind. Ugh. I’m forgetting one. Damn my half-mind.
One of the most flattering parts of the day was when IUD came out of the store with a cart full of our beverage of choice [BEER]. He told us later that he saw who the out-of-towners were and went back in for more. I don’t know the last time I’ve had such a compliment.
RB and I cracked a couple cans [what, no one else is joining us?] while we watched the hares get blessed. They were IUD and Gag Reflex, who needed to hare to earn the name he got previously. After chalk talk and the allotted time, we took off after the hares in a blaze of glory, whistles blaring.
Road comprised the first part of the trail, and by my totally lame estimate, it was about 3/4 of a mile. Our first look at shiggy was when we ran to a creek that was opaque-white. Y’all, I’m not shitting you. Visualize a stream of milk. Or a raging torrent of watery semen. Take your pick. On the other side, we tore though some foresty stuff, and then hit a brand new type of shiggy, the likes of which I had never encountered before. This was the ‘hood personified. Also known as The Projects. And who got the biggest dose of this intriguing area? Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, Red Breast was way ahe@d, and as the trailblazer, hit the thickest part. Did we hear her whistles? Nope. But she heard plenty…
“Hey, how you doin’?”
“Hey, honey, where you goin?”
“Hey, you lookin’ for somethin’?”
“Hey, baby, you lost?”
Et cetera.
Halfway through this interesting shiggy, most of the pack regrouped in time for a mental dilemma. There was flour on the back of a tree leading down a steep hill to a creek will a dollop of flour in a sand-bar-type-thing. Everyone decided to keep pounding pavement, except your humble author, who decided he had enough of dry feet and crawled down for a little bath. Yes, fellow hashers, this creek was of the acceptable clear variety. Everyone else hit a YBF and went back to the creek entrance. It was about this time that the damp travelers realized why we were told to bring a flashlight. We hit a tunnel so long, we couldn’t see daylight from the other side. Exiting the tunnel, we hit some more nasty water and a few steep hills. I believe this is also known as Vertical Shiggy.
We exited said shiggy at some chalk in the back of a parking lot. It said BS. That usually means Beer Stop, right? But where was the beer? Turns out, Numb Nuts thought the second beer stop was the first beer stop. The hares ran into him and figured out what happened. Numb Nuts was motoring over just as the first hounds were getting out of the shiggy. He arrived right after the FRB’s. (Almost) perfect timing. Beer was downed and scooters were ridden. The Beer Stop Welcoming Party included a few mosquitos as big as hummingbirds. Yes, in January.
The remainder of the trail was mostly street, with that second beer stop in the middle, where Key Lime Pie shooters were consumed and more beer was downed. A certain someone who shall remain nameless (hint: it was an out-of-towner, and it wasn’t me) left the second beer stop already getting drunk. The A-to-B trail that the hares promised was actually an A-to-B trial. But conveniently, the cars were about two blocks away.
Circle? Loud. Songs were sung, bare asses hit ice and a lot of the CVH3 beverage of choice [BEER] was consumed. But wait, was someone downing Malt Liquor? Yup, IUD decided regular brew was too weak for such an uncommonly warm January afternoon. After a while, it was difficult to decide who was the drunkest one in circle. Numb Nuts got the Hashit for the beer stop stunt, and sat on the ice during a marathon session of The S&M Man. Jesus Saves soon followed, then the traditional Swing Low ended the parking-lot festivities.
The On-After was at the standard CVH3 On-After establishment downtown, although for the life of me I can’t remember what it’s called. By the way, the mugs there rock. The bar is where we met Mrs. IUD, A.K.A. UPS, and the three, highly energetic Kids of IUD and UPS. The kind family then invited the ever-thirsty visitors back to their house for a Post-On-After. On the beer run, IUD decided one could never have enough Malt Liquor, so we bought a variety of 40’s for the rest of the night, as well as a few regular beer varieties in similar giant bottles. Call it an ode to the most interesting shiggy of the day. The rest of the night included IUD and RB messing with The Trash website (apparently, Doe-nutt has a smelly ass), while I caught up in the intoxication department and temporarily turned into the family’s fourth child.
In conclusion, dearest wankers, a note of thanks goes out to everyone who kept us entertained all day. And of course, an extra thanks goes out to the entire IUD family for their hospitality.
Saturday’s trail is in Macon. Remember to kiss The Staff while you’re there.
Until next time,
On Out
All right you freaks. Grab your beverage of choice [BEER] and put your smelly feet up. Time for some paragraphs.
This edition of the Camp Diva road trip consisted of two members. Red Breast and that travel bitch who does whatever he’s told (that would be me). Past water damage still had Thor, my hash truck, smelling like sheeyat because I haven’t been able to air it out. So RB brought a candle with her and we lit it for the drive down. It fit perfectly in the cup holder. Props for the idea. Think pre-criminal Martha Stewart turning mental. The trick is to take your lips [LIPS? WHO SAID LIPS? I’LL TAKE SOME OF THAT… ON MY ZIPPER] and blow out the flame about 10-15 miles from your destination, so the wax hardens a bit and doesn’t go all over everywhere when you slow down and start turning. Because God knows getting hot wax all over you would be gross. Hey, wait a minute…
Um… anyway… so we were driving to Columbus, in case you hadn’t figured that out by now. Trail #82, 24 Jan 04. We get to the start, which is the parking lot shared by a bunch of stores, namely Piggy Wiggly and that place where we took a leak. Burger King, I think. We spotted hashers and r@ced over.
The pack included: Blown Load, Britney Screams, Extended Play, Faceful Hound, Gag Reflex, IUD, Just Tom, Numb Nutz, Red Breast, Squirrly Temple, and your author with a half-mind. Ugh. I’m forgetting one. Damn my half-mind.
One of the most flattering parts of the day was when IUD came out of the store with a cart full of our beverage of choice [BEER]. He told us later that he saw who the out-of-towners were and went back in for more. I don’t know the last time I’ve had such a compliment.
RB and I cracked a couple cans [what, no one else is joining us?] while we watched the hares get blessed. They were IUD and Gag Reflex, who needed to hare to earn the name he got previously. After chalk talk and the allotted time, we took off after the hares in a blaze of glory, whistles blaring.
Road comprised the first part of the trail, and by my totally lame estimate, it was about 3/4 of a mile. Our first look at shiggy was when we ran to a creek that was opaque-white. Y’all, I’m not shitting you. Visualize a stream of milk. Or a raging torrent of watery semen. Take your pick. On the other side, we tore though some foresty stuff, and then hit a brand new type of shiggy, the likes of which I had never encountered before. This was the ‘hood personified. Also known as The Projects. And who got the biggest dose of this intriguing area? Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, Red Breast was way ahe@d, and as the trailblazer, hit the thickest part. Did we hear her whistles? Nope. But she heard plenty…
“Hey, how you doin’?”
“Hey, honey, where you goin?”
“Hey, you lookin’ for somethin’?”
“Hey, baby, you lost?”
Et cetera.
Halfway through this interesting shiggy, most of the pack regrouped in time for a mental dilemma. There was flour on the back of a tree leading down a steep hill to a creek will a dollop of flour in a sand-bar-type-thing. Everyone decided to keep pounding pavement, except your humble author, who decided he had enough of dry feet and crawled down for a little bath. Yes, fellow hashers, this creek was of the acceptable clear variety. Everyone else hit a YBF and went back to the creek entrance. It was about this time that the damp travelers realized why we were told to bring a flashlight. We hit a tunnel so long, we couldn’t see daylight from the other side. Exiting the tunnel, we hit some more nasty water and a few steep hills. I believe this is also known as Vertical Shiggy.
We exited said shiggy at some chalk in the back of a parking lot. It said BS. That usually means Beer Stop, right? But where was the beer? Turns out, Numb Nuts thought the second beer stop was the first beer stop. The hares ran into him and figured out what happened. Numb Nuts was motoring over just as the first hounds were getting out of the shiggy. He arrived right after the FRB’s. (Almost) perfect timing. Beer was downed and scooters were ridden. The Beer Stop Welcoming Party included a few mosquitos as big as hummingbirds. Yes, in January.
The remainder of the trail was mostly street, with that second beer stop in the middle, where Key Lime Pie shooters were consumed and more beer was downed. A certain someone who shall remain nameless (hint: it was an out-of-towner, and it wasn’t me) left the second beer stop already getting drunk. The A-to-B trail that the hares promised was actually an A-to-B trial. But conveniently, the cars were about two blocks away.
Circle? Loud. Songs were sung, bare asses hit ice and a lot of the CVH3 beverage of choice [BEER] was consumed. But wait, was someone downing Malt Liquor? Yup, IUD decided regular brew was too weak for such an uncommonly warm January afternoon. After a while, it was difficult to decide who was the drunkest one in circle. Numb Nuts got the Hashit for the beer stop stunt, and sat on the ice during a marathon session of The S&M Man. Jesus Saves soon followed, then the traditional Swing Low ended the parking-lot festivities.
The On-After was at the standard CVH3 On-After establishment downtown, although for the life of me I can’t remember what it’s called. By the way, the mugs there rock. The bar is where we met Mrs. IUD, A.K.A. UPS, and the three, highly energetic Kids of IUD and UPS. The kind family then invited the ever-thirsty visitors back to their house for a Post-On-After. On the beer run, IUD decided one could never have enough Malt Liquor, so we bought a variety of 40’s for the rest of the night, as well as a few regular beer varieties in similar giant bottles. Call it an ode to the most interesting shiggy of the day. The rest of the night included IUD and RB messing with The Trash website (apparently, Doe-nutt has a smelly ass), while I caught up in the intoxication department and temporarily turned into the family’s fourth child.
In conclusion, dearest wankers, a note of thanks goes out to everyone who kept us entertained all day. And of course, an extra thanks goes out to the entire IUD family for their hospitality.
Saturday’s trail is in Macon. Remember to kiss The Staff while you’re there.
Until next time,
On Out
# posted by L&F @ 5:44 PM 
