05 November 2005
8. Road Trip Rules
BlueHareOn H4 - 12 July 2003
1. Leave Before Dawn
We met at 5a and left Atlanta at 5:30a. Our group contained me (Robin Red Breast), Insufficient Cums and our male travel bitch Lost and Fucked. This was L&F's first road trip with the Atlanta ladies, so he was on probation. He was expected to follow orders and like it. (Early recap: he liked it.) We packed up my trusty hashing car and left for bigger and better things. On the way, we stopped several times, including once in the middle of Alabama to eat at a Cracker Barrel. You might find it interesting to note that every single group in the restaurant either contained incredibly old people or babies. Or both. The hostess took one look at us and sat us in the back room way in the corner. Hey, we may be hashers, but we're observant. At least when we're sober.
2. Make Sure You Have Drama
Insufficient Cums had called me Friday to say she might stay home. She wasn't feeling good, and was even complaining of having a fever. But in true hasher fashion, she drug her ass out of bed and met us for the trip. She thought she could shake it off. So after celebrating her arrival with a group cheer that woke up all the neighbors, we made up a bed for her on the back seat and took leave of the old and ordinary. On the way, IC had a mega cocktail of over-the-counter drugs, which included Cold and Sinus stuff and PMS medicine. Soon after we got off the interstate in Florida, she strongly suggested that I pull over. That's when the projectile vomiting began. (Early recap: she would end up at the hospital.)
3. Get Lucky
In this case, it's not what you think. Our hotel was just off the interstate, about 2 miles from the start of the hash, and across the street from the hospital. We were set. (Early recap: the hotel ended up being less than 3 miles from the end of the hash.)
4. Make Plans That Can Be Easily Disrupted
Our goals before the hash included baking at the beach for a while. But the Blue Angels were performing at Pensacola Beach, and knowing what kind of traffic nightmare that would be, we ended up driving out of the way to Perdido Key. The plan was to get to the beach, then IC was going to take the car to a walk-in clinic. Just before we got to where we were going to park, the heavy rain started. There would be no successful sun worshipping here. After a few calls, we decided the best thing to do was drive back to the hotel, check in early, and get IC to a doctor. I think everyone in the car would agree that the drive from Perdido Key to the hotel was one of the longest drives in the history of ever. I believe we pulled over four times for puke stops, including one in the pouring rain. IC was getting worse. We finally got her to an urgent-care clinic and left her there while we got some caffeine. She recently changed jobs and forgot her medical card, so she put the visit and medication on credit. Translation: expensive. They got her back to the car in a wheelchair. She looked scary. Once we got her to bed, L&F and I went to the hotel pool to swim and lay out for a while. But the sky opened up again. So we gave up and left to get something to eat and go to the hash. (Early recap: the clouds eventually broke.)
5. Meet Entertaining Locals
This was a no-brainer. We met hashers with beer. We were worried about the turnout because of the rain, but we got to the start right around 5 and there were already plenty of people drinking. This was Gay Bar Muncher's virgin lay, so everyone made sure to laugh and point. The dark clouds were rolling back in by the time the pack took off, and we all got a decent lightning show from Mother Nature. (Mother Nature is her real name, by the way. Her hash name is Weather Ho.) After a couple miles of assfault, we happened upon a tough check that had hares spread out all over the area. We finally found trail and a clothing check on a side street. I hope the neighbors were watching as we all took off items of clothing and swapped them. We compared notes on our new outfits at the beer stop. The highlight of the trail was the concrete drainage canals. We wound through them for quite a while and made sure to use our whistles often, since we were cutting between backyards. Trust me, the dogs loved it. All of a sudden, the trail stopped. The only place to go was up to the streets, but there was nothing there. A couple eagle-eyed hounds finally found a piece of paper that announced a dead trail. "Oops, my bad" was how it started. So back down the canal we went until we noticed the hares had put marks on the backside of the last bridge we crossed. Very creative, guys. The end was a few blocks away, at xxxxx and xxxx's house. The pool was warm, the beer was cold, and the circle was loud. L&F and I attempted to share the magic of Key Lime Pie shooters, but everyone was quite hesitant at first. Thankfully after a few minutes, almost everyone was down on their knees awaiting their graham cracker and creamy, white liquid. xxxx also held a hash lottery that allowed some of us to leave with shwag. xxxx left with cash. You can't really ask for more, but we got some. xxxx laid out an amazing spread of food that had many of us going back for seconds and thirds. (Early recap: we want to come back.)
6. Entertain the Locals
Since L&F was our travel bitch, I told him right before we got to the start that he must entertain us. I didn't realize he would take me so seriously. He started by being FRB, which was an offense that I made him do a full 12-ounce Malaysian Down-Down for. He went commando under his sarong and ended up being the first naked person in the pool. And at one point, he almost got a brain hemorrhage coming up with two new hash songs and a name for Just XXXX... "From now on, you will be known as Three Holes, No Waiting!" There was also the Cannings. (Early recap: I'm taking him along next time.)
7. Never Leave Camp
OK, OK, we failed on this one. I had stopped drinking early enough to drive us back to the hotel so we could check on IC. (Early recap: we would miss the camp breakfast.)
8. Make Sure You Lose Stuff
We ended up going back to camp anyway, because somehow, we both forgot clothes. Imagine that. (Early recap: We got back home to find half of our clothes were wet, thanks to the trail, the pool and the beach.)
9. Leave Late
Two of us woke up feeling fine and ready for day 2. The third one somehow managed to find the strength to get up and go with us to the beach. (Early recap: IC ended up being diagnosed with an "opportunistic upper respiratory viral infection.") We hung out at Pensacola Beach for a while, drinking $2.50 Bloody Marys and 2-for-1 beer. We left at the last possible second, timing it so we would be able to get just enough sleep for the start of the work week.
10. Immortalize the Trip
I believe the Hash Trash is complete. Thank you all for a great time.
Recap: Road Trips Rule.
1. Leave Before Dawn
We met at 5a and left Atlanta at 5:30a. Our group contained me (Robin Red Breast), Insufficient Cums and our male travel bitch Lost and Fucked. This was L&F's first road trip with the Atlanta ladies, so he was on probation. He was expected to follow orders and like it. (Early recap: he liked it.) We packed up my trusty hashing car and left for bigger and better things. On the way, we stopped several times, including once in the middle of Alabama to eat at a Cracker Barrel. You might find it interesting to note that every single group in the restaurant either contained incredibly old people or babies. Or both. The hostess took one look at us and sat us in the back room way in the corner. Hey, we may be hashers, but we're observant. At least when we're sober.
2. Make Sure You Have Drama
Insufficient Cums had called me Friday to say she might stay home. She wasn't feeling good, and was even complaining of having a fever. But in true hasher fashion, she drug her ass out of bed and met us for the trip. She thought she could shake it off. So after celebrating her arrival with a group cheer that woke up all the neighbors, we made up a bed for her on the back seat and took leave of the old and ordinary. On the way, IC had a mega cocktail of over-the-counter drugs, which included Cold and Sinus stuff and PMS medicine. Soon after we got off the interstate in Florida, she strongly suggested that I pull over. That's when the projectile vomiting began. (Early recap: she would end up at the hospital.)
3. Get Lucky
In this case, it's not what you think. Our hotel was just off the interstate, about 2 miles from the start of the hash, and across the street from the hospital. We were set. (Early recap: the hotel ended up being less than 3 miles from the end of the hash.)
4. Make Plans That Can Be Easily Disrupted
Our goals before the hash included baking at the beach for a while. But the Blue Angels were performing at Pensacola Beach, and knowing what kind of traffic nightmare that would be, we ended up driving out of the way to Perdido Key. The plan was to get to the beach, then IC was going to take the car to a walk-in clinic. Just before we got to where we were going to park, the heavy rain started. There would be no successful sun worshipping here. After a few calls, we decided the best thing to do was drive back to the hotel, check in early, and get IC to a doctor. I think everyone in the car would agree that the drive from Perdido Key to the hotel was one of the longest drives in the history of ever. I believe we pulled over four times for puke stops, including one in the pouring rain. IC was getting worse. We finally got her to an urgent-care clinic and left her there while we got some caffeine. She recently changed jobs and forgot her medical card, so she put the visit and medication on credit. Translation: expensive. They got her back to the car in a wheelchair. She looked scary. Once we got her to bed, L&F and I went to the hotel pool to swim and lay out for a while. But the sky opened up again. So we gave up and left to get something to eat and go to the hash. (Early recap: the clouds eventually broke.)
5. Meet Entertaining Locals
This was a no-brainer. We met hashers with beer. We were worried about the turnout because of the rain, but we got to the start right around 5 and there were already plenty of people drinking. This was Gay Bar Muncher's virgin lay, so everyone made sure to laugh and point. The dark clouds were rolling back in by the time the pack took off, and we all got a decent lightning show from Mother Nature. (Mother Nature is her real name, by the way. Her hash name is Weather Ho.) After a couple miles of assfault, we happened upon a tough check that had hares spread out all over the area. We finally found trail and a clothing check on a side street. I hope the neighbors were watching as we all took off items of clothing and swapped them. We compared notes on our new outfits at the beer stop. The highlight of the trail was the concrete drainage canals. We wound through them for quite a while and made sure to use our whistles often, since we were cutting between backyards. Trust me, the dogs loved it. All of a sudden, the trail stopped. The only place to go was up to the streets, but there was nothing there. A couple eagle-eyed hounds finally found a piece of paper that announced a dead trail. "Oops, my bad" was how it started. So back down the canal we went until we noticed the hares had put marks on the backside of the last bridge we crossed. Very creative, guys. The end was a few blocks away, at xxxxx and xxxx's house. The pool was warm, the beer was cold, and the circle was loud. L&F and I attempted to share the magic of Key Lime Pie shooters, but everyone was quite hesitant at first. Thankfully after a few minutes, almost everyone was down on their knees awaiting their graham cracker and creamy, white liquid. xxxx also held a hash lottery that allowed some of us to leave with shwag. xxxx left with cash. You can't really ask for more, but we got some. xxxx laid out an amazing spread of food that had many of us going back for seconds and thirds. (Early recap: we want to come back.)
6. Entertain the Locals
Since L&F was our travel bitch, I told him right before we got to the start that he must entertain us. I didn't realize he would take me so seriously. He started by being FRB, which was an offense that I made him do a full 12-ounce Malaysian Down-Down for. He went commando under his sarong and ended up being the first naked person in the pool. And at one point, he almost got a brain hemorrhage coming up with two new hash songs and a name for Just XXXX... "From now on, you will be known as Three Holes, No Waiting!" There was also the Cannings. (Early recap: I'm taking him along next time.)
7. Never Leave Camp
OK, OK, we failed on this one. I had stopped drinking early enough to drive us back to the hotel so we could check on IC. (Early recap: we would miss the camp breakfast.)
8. Make Sure You Lose Stuff
We ended up going back to camp anyway, because somehow, we both forgot clothes. Imagine that. (Early recap: We got back home to find half of our clothes were wet, thanks to the trail, the pool and the beach.)
9. Leave Late
Two of us woke up feeling fine and ready for day 2. The third one somehow managed to find the strength to get up and go with us to the beach. (Early recap: IC ended up being diagnosed with an "opportunistic upper respiratory viral infection.") We hung out at Pensacola Beach for a while, drinking $2.50 Bloody Marys and 2-for-1 beer. We left at the last possible second, timing it so we would be able to get just enough sleep for the start of the work week.
10. Immortalize the Trip
I believe the Hash Trash is complete. Thank you all for a great time.
Recap: Road Trips Rule.
# posted by L&F @ 5:26 PM 
